Blogorrhea Of An Intexticated, Gayborly Nagagator

Dial 1-900-diction, I'm waiting for you to talk nerdy to me.

I thought I would write something that could incorporate some fantastic new words, compliments of the Merriam Webster Dictionary.  These are all new words which have been added the classic American dictionary in 2011.  The words paint a clear picture of our degrading society and extreme misuse of standard vocabulary….so I welcome them!  I guess the nerds that manage our vocabulary got sick of fighting the uneducated public on their poor diction.  The new words are italicized and their definitions are below.

What’s a shut-in to do?

I’m developing a buttload of neuroses the longer I isolate myself in my dark apartment.  If only I had a female roommate, or a female wombmate, or a Twi-hard to talk to and hang out with.  Instead, I’ve become lost in a world of bloggery and have created a flawful life devoid of friends, self-respect and money.  Sometimes I dream about enronning somebody, like a Banskter!  My boyfriend, a recent metrosexual turned retrosexual, looks at me like I’m a polterguest and wishes I would leave the house and go to a coffice to work or socialize.  But with whom?  I don’t want to be the object of someone’s transbarrassment!  Coffee shops are full of citiots with brattitudes.  Even if I wanted to, the Touron in me could never find those hipster coffee shops where stachism is dead and the next American revolution is being planned.  If I only had a nagagator to get me there.

Maybe I could turn my living room into a human catio to practice Doga with my neighbors’ dogs and earn a living.   Or if I was a bit more gayborly I could make friends with the guys across the way who always have parties.  Actually, they are more like brodeos-parties sans women where my sucktastic fashion sense and pure dumbosity would be like bloody flesh in the shark infested waters of the Great Barrier Reef.  Geez, it sounds like it’s time to reach out and butt-dial a friend.

I know this post hasn’t been that unputdownable, blogorrhea rarely is.  But I ask you to not view me as the intexticated driver of the ghettobago driving 40 mph on the interstate, or as the epic fail that I seem to be.  But as a pimpin promdi, where’s there still hope to adjust, room for improvement and nowhere to go but up.

I can be awesome one day, belive me!

1. Wombmates-twins (not to be confused with 2 Chinese people renting an apartment together).
2. Buttload-a very large amount
3. Coffice-a coffee shop which is used by some customers as an office
4. Pimpin-very successful
5. Brattitude-a bratty attitude : a way of thinking or behaving that is characteristic of an ill-mannered and immature person
6. Twi-hard- a fan of the Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
7. Flawful-flawed and awful
8. Retrosexual-a man who adopts a traditional masculine style in dress and manners
9. Catio-an enclosed or screened outdoor space such as a porch for cats
10. Unputdownable-compellingly readable
11. Doga-yoga for or with dogs
12. Bankster-a financial industry executive who engages in reckless or predatory financial practices
13. Blogorrhea-excessive and often incoherent postings to blogs
14. Bloggery-the act or phenomenon of blogging
15. Epic fail- used to describe a significant failure
16. Brodeo-a gathering consisting predominantly of men
17. Sucktastic-fantastically awful or sucky
18. Internaut- a person who uses the Internet
19. Ghettobago-an old van
20. Transbarrassed-feeling embarrassed for someone when something happens to them
21. Polterguest- a houseguest who reorganizes or moves things without the knowledge or permission of the homeowner causing confusion for the homeowner
22. Citiot-a person from the city who is unfamiliar with country life
23. Promdi-a person from a rural area who knows very little about city life
24. Intexticated-walking or driving in a manner that suggests intoxication but that is actually the result of distraction caused by texting
25. Touron-A stupid tourist
26. Nagagator-backseat driver
27. Enron-to cheat (someone) out of money
28. Butt-dial-making a call from your cell-phone accidentally with your butt
29. Stachism- prejudice or discrimination directed toward men with mustaches
30. Dumbosity-extreme stupidity
31. Gayborly- neighborly to gay people